What was my travel agent thinking?

Three months ago, at least, maybe more, I booked a flight to Chicago for IRA. Because this was job-related it when through a travel agency. Per­son­ally, I like to book my own flights because I can pick my own times, seats, etc. I have broad shoul­ders, so I hate being smashed against the win­dow, and I always take an aisle seat (the haz­ards are the steel serv­ing cart and folks’ bums smack­ing into your shoul­der: I win the bat­tle over the bums and lose to the metal cart). On the other hand—or is that elbow?—I choose from the wing up. Why? Because it takes a bleed­ing a half hour to empty even a small jet. If you sit up front, you’re out in a minute or two. If you sit in the back, you’re stuck. Got a tight con­nec­tion? Too bad. So sad. Take a seat. You’re going to be here awhile.

But there’s another rea­son to sit for­ward on a plane, and it stinks. The lav. The lava­tory. The potty. The tiny closet with the slanted roof that you smack your fore­head on while try­ing to guide a stream of liq­uid into a tur­bu­lent tar­get. And when you open the lit­tle fold­ing door, you’re always star­ing directly at the guy with the worst seat in the house. Your eyes meet right before the fold­ing door smacks his shoul­der. It’s like get­ting hit with the food cart repeatedly.

This week, I was that guy. Thanks to my travel agent who had three months + notice on book­ing these flights, I got to ride shot­gun on the aer­ial porta-potty.

Four times.

In a row.

Booger.

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